A Conversation
At the tail end of a discussion on the douchebag trainwreck that was John Mayer’s Playboy interview… My mother: Yeah, that really didn’t help Jessica Simpson’s whole wholesome image thing. She said she wasn’t gonna have sex until marriage. Me: If you recall, she did get married. My father: Yeah, and Britney, too. My mother: … Read more
How did I not know about this?
MY COCKER SPANIEL HAD A MIDDLE NAME. And not just any middle name. My parents were not only weird enough to name the cat “Kalamazoo”—and own a cat in the first place—they were weird enough to name the dog of my childhood “Shadow Matarese Johnson.” The dog who lived 18 years. I just found this … Read more
Peeve Me
by filling my Facebook mini-feed with the results of your “What country song are you?” or “What girl from ‘The Hills’ are you?” or “Which stereotypical Californian are you?” or “What color are you?” (not to be confused with “Which color is your aura?”) quiz. Sure, I once took a “What Harry Potter character are … Read more
Road tripping
The summer after my junior year of high school, I made my first road trip to southern California with my best friend Aly. Since then, I’ve made the trip by car from the bay area to and from Orange County/L.A. more times than I can remember. And most of those were just this past month … Read more
Ways to be cool in Washington
I just visited for the first time. Here’s what I learned in five days. Live on a lake. From what I gather, they’re everywhere. Refer to the SEA airport as “Sea-Tac.” Walk down the aisle to a Sigur Ros song. [NOTE: This is cool EVERYWHERE.] My friend Ashley just did this when she got married last … Read more
Peeve Me
by writing a book in which God reinforces racial stereotypes, “…’Guess that’s jes’ the way I is.’ Mack was interested. ’Do you ever get mad at any of them?’ ‘Sho ’nuff! What parent doesn’t?…’” (119). Jesus is sexist, “Mack shook his head at the realization. ’But I’m not very good at the relationship stuff. Not … Read more
Peeve Me
by driving in the left lane on 5 and committing to 70mph—if not whatever EVEN SLOWER speed the guy in the right lane is going. Never mind the people coming up behind you at 90mph. Do not move over. Even when a long, long line behind you forms. Even when the people behind you might … Read more
Peeve Me
by captioning your Facebook photo “[insert friend's name here] and I.” This drives me crazy, because most people who use “I” do so because they think they’re being grammatically correct. It even has a pretentious ring to it (I know, Kettle, Black, hello). But in the case of “[insert friend's name here] and I” on … Read more
